我爸爸有一双骇人的大眼，还有黑压压杂乱的浓眉压在眼皮上。每当他想传授给我什么的时候，他就会突然猝不及防地靠近，提高音量，舞动他的浓眉，圆睁着眼睛。提醒我，我已经进入了他的怒气领域和力气范围。当然，技术上，我爸从未正式打过我，但是他发明了一种恶作剧的施暴方法，就是高高扬起他的巴掌，低头瞪着我，做出要掌掴的姿势，刹那间蒲扇式的手掌扇下来，结果只是和自己的另一只手掌拍击，在我耳边制造出巨大的声响来。我吓得一抖，我爸大笑不已。这个拙劣的把戏一直贯穿我的婴儿和幼儿阶段，然而我却从未真正意义上破解和免疫。每当高高的巴掌的阴影落在我身上，我还是会瑟缩，还是会发抖。这种恐惧建立在不确定性上——不知道什么时候父亲的大赦会失效。然而，当父亲老去的那一天，他的强大崩塌，他的威胁也将解除。在台湾作家张大春的《聆听父亲》里，他讲了一段他为父亲洗澡的故事。张大春第一次见到父亲的身体就是在球场的浴室里，“那是一具你知道再怎么你也比不上的身体。大，什么都大的一个身体。吧嗒吧嗒打肥皂，哗啦啦冲水，呼啊呼啊吆喝着的身体。”——卡夫卡也写过，当他小时候和父亲一起洗澡，他自惭形秽地不敢走出浴室。张大春再给父亲洗澡，已经是父亲意外摔倒，脊椎神经受伤之后，那时父亲只能躺在病床，“连洗个澡都要求人。”当我用蓬蓬头冲击他那发出阵阵酸气的身体，他总是说：“老天爷罚我。”“老天爷为什么罚你?”“它就是罚我。”在那一刻，一个句子朝我冲撞过来：“这老人垮了。”那年，我爸送我来北京上大学。我发现我们的交谈时时都具有冷场的危险性。我问他：“北京怎么样?”我爸说：“北京好大哇。”我又问：“学校怎么样?”我爸说：“大学好大哇。”“好大”，成为爸爸对一切他所不熟悉的事情的形容词。在谈话无法继续的冷场中，我又惊又急地意识到：外物都大了，父亲自然就小了。母亲是一寸寸变老的，父亲是瞬间变老的。我们斗争了整个童年的敌人，自己缴了械。孩子的生命被父亲惩罚，父亲的生命被岁月惩罚。都是输家，那就干脆就惺惺相惜，一笑泯恩仇吧。
my dad has a pair of big eyes appalling, and a dense mass of messy eyebrows pressure on the eyelid. whenever he wanted to teach me something, he would suddenly caught off guard close, increase the volume, dancing his eyebrows, his eyes wide open. reminded me that i have entered the realm of his anger and strength range. of course, technically, my dad never officially beat me, but he invented a method of mischievous violence, his hand is raised high, looking down at me, slapped position to make an instant style pushan fan palms down, and their results just another palm slap in my ear to create a huge sound. i was scared flick, my dad laughing incessantly. this trick has been throughout my poor baby and toddler stage, but i never really cracked and immune meaning. whenever slap tall shadow fell on me, i will huddle, still trembling. this fear is built on uncertainty - do not know when his father's amnesty will fail. however, when the father of old that day, his mighty collapse, his threat will be released. chang is a writer in taiwan, "listen to your father", he told a story of his father bathe. chang is the first time i saw his father's body was in the stadium bathroom, "that is a matter how you know you can not compare the body. big, what a great body. pit hit soap, crashed red water, call call ah ah yelling body "- kafka also wrote that when he was a boy and his father bathe together, he ashamed to dare out of the bathroom. chang's father to give a bath, is already a father accidentally fall, after spinal cord injury, when the father can only lie in bed, "even require people to take a bath." when i puff shock his head bursts acid gas body, he always said: "god punish me." "why god punish you," "it is fine me." in that moment, a sentence collision came towards me:?. "this old man collapsed" that year, my dad sent me to beijing university. i found our conversation all the time dangerous cold field. i asked him: "beijing how?" my dad said:. "beijing big wow," i asked: "how was school?" my dad said:. "college big wow", "big", became the father of he is not familiar with all the things that adjective. in a cold market can not continue the conversation, i realized that excited and nervous and anxious: foreign objects are big, his father naturally small. mother was one begins to grow old, his father was an instant aging. we struggle throughout childhood enemy, himself disarmed. father of a child's life to be punished, punished his father's life by years. are losers, it simply sympathetic, hardship it.